I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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