His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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