if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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