i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
