I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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