Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
