I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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