Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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