whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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