Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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