i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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