mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
