I wanna bring you to show and tell
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can text with my tongue
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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