They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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