Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
