just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize