I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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