His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize