soooo we both peed the bed last night...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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