I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
