Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
