Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize