then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My first STD was from a foam party
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
