Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
