hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
