If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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