btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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