My nipple is on Facebook.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
