I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
