So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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