Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
