Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
