oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
