Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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