We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
