maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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