1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize