The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
