I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize