im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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