I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize