Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
