i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
