just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
