you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
