His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
