I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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