This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
