It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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