I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
