He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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