i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All the doctor said was why
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
