I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
