hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I could fuck to npr.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
