So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
