I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The beer is more important than you right now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
