she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
