i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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