I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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