So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
