I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
