Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
