it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Randomize
