Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
