Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
