Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
