How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
