Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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