I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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