I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
