He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
