the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
