morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize