Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
