Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
