I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize