OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
