the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
