We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
