To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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