if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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