I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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