I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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