glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
