I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
