Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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