and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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