Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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