I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
