oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
