My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
