I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
