Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
