We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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