this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
