I wish my penis had an off switch
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
