I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
