I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
